No, this isn’t about the worlds impending DOOM at the hands of humanity because of our desire to live comfortably today whilst forsaking our future generations prospects on this planet.
This is about how our surroundings in everyday life can impact the way we think.
Sometimes we don’t notice that we have cancer* in our life. Something that can subtly adjust our mindset and changes who we are or stops us from being who we want to be. Something that pulls us into a darkness of acceptance, of complacency, or in extreme cases, drags us down into despair, anger, hatred and depression.
So I suppose you could say this is about personal DOOM – or the struggle to escape it.
A good friend, Lorraine, recently wrote a blog about Ice Cream and Fruit Salad which is filled with code basically saying follow your dreams, do what you want and DON’T do what you think everyone else wants you to do and especially stop doing things that you know you shouldn’t. Its well worth a read and if you can’t apply it to some part of your life you are a far better person than I. It made me realise something that I had know for quite a while, but something I was glossing over because I felt in some way that I had to because it was what people expect of me. It wasn’t about food, or about relationships though..
In short: I’ve had a pretty crap year at work. Not that I didn’t enjoy my work – simply that the environment I’ve been working in has been pretty toxic. I’ve been the sole member of my company on site with one of our contractors and they have made it very obvious that they didn’t want me there.
I hid this truth from myself for the first 6 months and then as it became apparently I couldn’t lie to myself any longer, I continued to put a positive spin on it because I’m I didn’t want to admit defeat, and thought that their reasons for not wanting me there must reflect on me.
This has been a terrible solution. Without realising it, my environment has not only effected the quality of the work and even my commitment to my company but also it has impacted my personal life. I’ve increasingly found it hard to apply myself to things I want to do outside of work, and more and more I’ve lead a more solitary life – not meeting up with friends is just the tip of the iceberg, the real tragedy has been that I had withdrawn from Kate.
I’ve been doing less. Talking less. Getting out less and to my utter disgust – I’ve become a couch potato. The shit I have watched** in the last 6 months fill hours instead of doing things shocks me. Much like Lorraine’s ice cream, I knew I didn’t want to do it, and I knew I wouldn’t enjoy it, but it was (I clearly see and understand better now) simply a diversion from making a choice to change.
Something to do instead of living. Something to do instead tackling the root cause of my unhappiness. Something to avoid me thinking.
So I know my challenge going forward and I’m going to do something about it. I’m leaving the toxic environment I had been in, and I understand now that my lack of focus was a direct result of it, not a fault of mine.
I’m going to spend more quality time with Kate, and I am going to start working on our plans for the future***.
I have made some choices in the last few weeks which I need to re-evaluate and I need to start setting goals to achieve some of the thing I keep talking about.
The question is: what about you? Read Ice Cream and Fruit Salad and think about your life – and let me know if any of this has been helpful!
Now get out there and do something!
Steve
* Cancer may be strong word; think of it more of a negative element – this can be a place, a group of people, or a friend.
** Damn you Netflix, Amazon Prime and Now TV.
*** No, this will not include babies.
steveslaw 